The Not-So-Puerto-Rican PRH3 Hash Trash: Mouthful of Marriage Hash, July 10, 2009

Sunny, 88 sunny and breezy.

Hare(s):  That's A Mouthful & Just Denny

Hashers:  Amish-Ithead (RIH3), Wee-Balls (RIH3), Stun-Gun (Newark DE, H3), Just-Keri(RI)

Virgins:    Just-Craig(NJ), Just-Billy(RI), Just-Lauren(RI), Just-Jason(RI), Just-Ray(FL), Just-Francisco(FL), Just-Teri(RI), Just-Steve(RI)

With nearly 72 Virgins attending, this not-so-puerto-rican hash would have been perfect for a Thanatophobic Islamic Terrorist... The trail began in a parking lot on Rt.107, opposite runway 08 at the airport in Aguadilla, PR. The pack assembled, shared a few brews, patiently endured the chalk-talk and at promptly 5:39 PM were sent on their way.

Just-Lauren had expressed interest in short cutting and was unceremoniously given the keys to beer truck to take to the beer-check.

The trail cut through the golf course at Ramey Base, headed down hill towards the beaches.  Almost immediately, one of the trailing virgins Just-Ray hitched a ride in a golf-cart and advanced to FRB, or was it FCB (front carting bastard)?  His lead was quickly lost at the first intersection... Wee-Balls took the high-road which turned out to be the wrong road while some of the virgins, just-bill and just-jason chilled out at the intersection talking politics until the true trail was found and everyone continued downhill.

The next intersection falsely brought the pack out to the beach but the view was nice but there was no beer so WHO cares? 

The following intersection circled back to the true-trail and the hares heard a lot of complaints from the pack but WHO cares? 

The next intersection was less than 100 yards from the finish (but was hidden by a small hill) however Just-Lauren was parked at the top of the hill in plain sight of the pack... luckily, they're not that bright or observant and missed the obvious shortcut but WHO cares?

The hares took pity on Just-Jason (aka. MyPantiesRInAbunch) and sent him over to tell Just-Lauren to move to the true BC (i think that was the first time I've ever seen him smile?).

The rest of the pack circled, and circled around the maze of cane-fields until coming out to a small wooded area along the beach.

The trail continued north for about a half a mile and when the hares-in-trail caught up to the pack the were only about 100 yards from the end.  The pack was huddled around a Toyota Corolla WHO's owner had decided to use to live out his 4x4 fantasies...  It was buried up to the frame on an impossibly steep grade - how it even got that far was a complete miracle.  The funniest part was the good Samaritan that was trying to help pull him out with his little car, using some shitty little cargo strap that had the tensile strength of kite-string.   Even with the power of 72 Virgins pushing, that little car didn't budge.  After Mouthful caught his breath (not from r*nning but from laughing so hard) he walked up to the BC to get his truck to put an end to the comedy.  He backed his MitsuBitchy up to the nearly subterranean Toyota, hooked up his tow-cable with nearly 10' of slack in it and told the driver to get ready to accelerate "On Three".   So Mouthful jumped in his truck and yelled, "One ! Two !" and gunned it, yanking that poor little Toyota out of the sand so fast that the (from the video it appears) car got airborne and the driver looked like he got whiplash.  (Just-Jason may post the video on facebook or something)  The dazed and confused but thankful driver gave Mouthful 5 mangoes for saving his dumbass.

... off to the BC

the BC was at an old Spanish ruin, that used to be part of the PR Railroad that was used in the sugarcane industry, right on the beach with an awesome view.

Unfortunately, the PRH3 regulars missed out on a good chance to sing some silly songs with the RIH3'ers in attendance - favorites like: In Mobile, The good ship Venus, Rhubarb, the S&M man and the Wildwest Show (it was almost like Bondo was there but better, because he wasn't).  The virgins stunned and amazed at the lyrical ability of the veteran hashers - well maybe embarrassed is better word for their reaction?

The pack then circled up with the hares, Mouthful and Just-Denny in the center, and the run was rated...  there was a lot of complicated math but in the end the trail received a +69.69 for the absence of shoe-ruining-shiggy (apparently somebody guaranteed that?).  Visiting hashers next and then the 72 virgins who answered back in song with an unbearable version of Sweet-Caroline...Bah, Bah, Bah !!!

Accusations:  Just-Ray for Golf-Cart-Hashing
                     Just-Steve & Just-Teri for Auto Hashing

Announcements:  RIH3 Dragon Boat Races (check the rih3.com for details)

Mouthful then got his last bachelor-beer-shower just before the circle imploded...


On-On,


~mouthful